Stop Throwing Around Dead Frozen Armadillos

Image courtesy

Image courtesy

I just came across a story which warned me in the first line itself, “This may very well be the weirdest thing you’ll read all day.” And yes it was. The fact that I am writing about it on this eminently readable blog just shows how weird the news is. (Everybody knows how high a threshold I set for things that I post on this blog!)

The Report (click to read) talks about how (hold your breath) a Dallas woman was attacked with a frozen armadillo. (Exhale now!)

The woman was buying the carcass of the armadillo, probably for a nice Sunday meal, when negotiations seem to have broken down. The man she was buying it from allegedly threw the armadillo at her.

Now, I am not one to condone violence against women, but I think report’s focus is all wrong. Even now I can see you reading the report and thinking “poor woman” or “what a terrible man.” I can bet my left eyeball that no one cares about the armadillo. Why should you? It’s just an armadillo and a dead one at that, right?

Wrong ! It’s not just an armadillo. Think of it as someone’s son, someone’s brother or someone’s husband. And see how the picture changes. I mean is it not enough that the poor chap is dead (frozen at that) and people are salivating at the prospects of getting on the outside of its body? Is it fair that it should be used as an assault weapon? Did it ask for it? I am sorry, no.

Add to this the fact that the armadillo ‘s good name is being bandied about in the callous manner even after its sad demise. Does it really need this at this point in its life? (or death, you quibbler!)

Outrageous. I am stunned that there is no blanket ban on the use of dead armadillos as assault weapons.

I mean, if I were an armadillo and had just kicked the bucket, I would then just have to worry about the cooking pot. And not have to concern myself with being flung about at folks!

I hope the reporter Evann Gastaldo ( @egastaldo on Twitter) is more sensitive to rights of armadillos (dead or alive) in the unlikely event that she has to write about an armadillo assault in the future.


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